Religious, Not Religious

I haven't been a religious person. Honestly, it's been hard for me to believe that someone omnipotent is up there. But I have an interest in talking about religion and participating in religious events. That`s why I joined a Zen practice and a Christmas party last week.

 

It was my second time visiting the temple So-ji-ji (総持寺). Everytime I go there, a sculpture of Buddha is smiling as if he's welcoming my visit. I took a tour at the temple guided by a monk. This time was with a friend and two professors, one from Tsurumi University and the other from Australia. In the spacious and remarkably clean site, there was a soothing atmosphere and I became very calm inside. After the tour, we meditated for about 15 minutes. It is called 'Za-zen (座禅)', and although I'm not supposed to think anything during it, various thoughts came to mind. I think practicing it everyday will bring some level of peace in me. 

  

And on the weekend, there was a party celebrating the upcoming Christmas in Sendagaya (千駄ヶ谷), Tokyo. I was invited by my friend who is a member of the church hosting it. It was a small party with about 15 people. Chatting with new friends, eating delicious Korean style foods, and singing a carol in Japanese, I had a pleasant time. Also, my friend and the hosts singing a hymn in a rap version was something to see.

I was touched by the letter they gave me as a present at the end of the party. Every sentence was quoted from various parts of the Bible and edited into one continuing letter. It was like a letter that God has actually written for me. I got surprised reading it from the beginning, 'My dear beloved daughter', as I wasn't expecting something so intimate. And by the following words, I was so moved. Someone whose existence I didn't even know of has been loving me? I translated some of the letter into English.

  

'My dear beloved daughter,

You don't know me, but I know everything about you.

I can count every move that you sit or stand,

And even every hair on you.

I knew you before I created you in the womb,

And I chose you since the creation of the world,

You were made not by a coincidence, but in my plans.

…

I want to give you my love generously,

As you are my child and I am your father.

...

You are my precious treasure.

...

I will never leave you or desert you.

I will always be with you.

I love you till the end of the world.

 

From your loving father'

My first religion-related memory was at the age 5. My aunt tried to tempt me, saying I can get many cookies and presents if I come to the chapel. I hesitated between the cookies and the Disney animation that was regularly on TV at the same time. At the end, I turned down the proposal and chose Disney. From then, my life has been far from any kind of religion. I visited a Protestant church, Catholic church or temple from time to time, but I couldn't feel anything. But from last week, I started to think maybe there is a God. Or maybe I just want to believe that there is. I don't know. I'll find out this Christmas Eve in the church.